


The only time Hawkeye can't aim

by burning_nova



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 21:37:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/626780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burning_nova/pseuds/burning_nova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: "Clint, you're the world's greatest marksman. You can hit your target under the most extreme conditions, using any weapon known to man. So why is it that every morning, inevitably and without fail, I find pee on the toilet seat?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The only time Hawkeye can't aim

“Barton!” Fury barked as everyone was leaving. Clint turned around, curious as to why Fury was calling after him. “Sit down.” He sat. “Good, so at least you can do that.”

“What do you mean, sir?” Clint asked not seeing what this had to do with anything. 

“I have received several complaints regarding your…abilities, Barton. I hope that we may come to an understanding so that they may end because I frankly have better things to do.”

“What complaints?” He asked incredulous. He was a superb marksman and damn-good agent. So he got brainwashed but it’s not like he trained against a magical alien staff.

“About your…aim.”

“I never miss.” Fury laughed.

“I’m afraid in this issue you always miss, agent.” Fury replied. 

“What- who?”

“Agent Barton, let me explain the situation and your options, afterwards you may speak. Understood?” Clint nodded. “Good.” He frowned then sighed. “We have not problems with you in the field; we couldn’t ask for any more improvement short of superserum. This has nothing to do with the field so calm down. No this has to do with more personal matters. You see, Agent Barton, we have received complaints about your inability to hit the porcelain throne right in the bull’s eye.”

Clint looked mortified. 

“How do you think I feel having to talk to you about this like a god-damn four-year-old?” Fury said in response. “Yes, and frankly I have had enough. Now you have two options, three really I’m leaving it at two unless you really do want to wear diapers as underwear for the rest of your natural born life.” Fury said with a devilish grin. “You can either have Agent Martin”

“Who is Agent Martin?” Clint interrupted.

“Agent Martin is the father of several little boys who all can aim and a recent transfer. Now as I was saying you can have Agent Martin teach you how to pee, as he has done so with 100% success rate so far if his children are indication, or you can pee sitting down like a girl.” Natasha’s visage glared at him from some crack in the universe conjured by sheer force of will. “Right, sorry. Or you can pee sitting down in a gender-neutral fashion.” The director amended. The crack vanished. “Those are you options agent.”

Clint was flabbergasted and said instead. “Can’t I just practice?”

“No, not here. You’ve also had your whole damn life to practice, I don’t think you’ll get it by now.” He sighed. “Now take twenty-four hours to think it over and get back to me but so help –me if I receive another complain I will staple a diaper to your ass.”

“Sir.” Clint said and practically ran out of the room, face red. 

“Happy?” He called to the air. Darcy’s voice answered from an intercom. 

“Yeah, thanks. I was running out of excuses as to why I couldn’t move in with him.”

“Good, now our agreement-“

“Is good. “

“Excellent.” He smirked. “Now tell me, what is the secret of keeping Thor from smashing any more cups?”

Darcy laughed and spoke. 

Somewhere, Thor shivered.


End file.
